Resurrection

Before I begin, I would want to tell you that writing or saying this makes me feel very scared. I always had this strange fear that If I write about good things, If I put my happiness in words and make it concrete, then it can be taken away from me, But as a writer of all things sad and dismal, I owe this one to you. So here it goes; I was a person who never cherished life, like the one where everyone is supposed to be grateful when nothing is wrong in their life, Past few months I was lost in a blur. One minute I was flying to a new location to do this or that, one minute I was working like a machine to get rid of all thoughts I create. I walked into the streets, I got failure and breaking points but all of this mattered and didn’t matter in the end too. Life took dramatic twists, and you can call it an unbecoming of all sorts. And this time I let it in, felt it, without fighting back too much. And this has let me write this on a grey winter afternoon at home, under a bare blue sky. It’s a unique human tragedy to keep wanting more with all your hands already full and I believe we are afflicted with this since childhood. My love resurrected. Towards the end of the year, when I had lost all hopes, I found magic. I learned more much about life about winning about losing. I had lost the capability to experience pure and unadulterated happiness, And I am unable to explain how, why when it happened because I  may be I don’t have words for it. I found something, I lost down the line. I now realize the importance of being grateful for what I have, and this melted away my blue and grey. So I guess what I am trying to say that until a few days ago, I could not remember the last time I looked forward to waking up the next day, nothing made me want to live except not wanting to die. So I just continued to exist. And somehow I am in a good place now, and most important I am grateful for it. I don’t know how long this lasts, but I will glad at some point in my life I felt like this.