Sparkle It Around

Sometimes I say a lot, and sometimes I keep it shut, It wasn't supposed to be this way. With breaking down, in middle of nights, and pouring my love onto pages. Lately, I think, that we keep getting clumsier as we grow up. I am still trying to figure out if that is okay or I end laughing at myself. When I was eight all I used to do is look up the lyrics of songs and memorize and even now when someone sings I sing along. I used to write all I wanted to do in life behind a diary.  Human memory I believe is nerves and magic. We don't forget things. Sometimes we don't say things, rights things at the right time so we say wrong things at the wrong times. The wreckage we keep collecting is a kind of clutter, we need to get rid of it or tell the person responsible. Keeping it to yourself is not a good idea. I believe out of all the ways we can create art, telling stories is and will always be greatest. I remember people I love by the stories they told mostly. And I love people wh...

Falling in love is very real, but I used not to believe about soul mates, poor deluded individuals grasping at some supernatural ideal not intended for mortals but sounded pretty in a fantasy book. Then, we met, and everything changed, the cynic has become the converted, the sceptic, an ardent zealot.I do know that I fell in love with the moment of falling in love and I wanted to keep that moment alive forever, at the expense of all those moments to follow.I love you because that piece that remains is worth the whole and I love you by exclusion of the other lost pieces.Before loving you, love, nothing was mine:I hesitated through the streets and things, nothing mattered or had a name, the world was of the air that I awaited. If my idea of love seems absurd to you always remember I am a poet by heart, you can leave me, you can love me, you can be with me forever, irrespective of all this you will always be there in my verse. I am not a person of logic and intellect like you , you are t...

किसी की मोहब्बत इंसान को बहुत कमजोर बना देती है बहुत बेबस , मजबूर महकूम और मुझे इन सब चीज़ों से हमेशा नफरत थी , मेरे लिहाज से मोहब्बत इंसान को सिर्फ जखम देती है , ये सब जानती थी पर ये सब जान ने के बाबजूद भी तुम मेरी ज़िन्दगी के मरकज़ बन गए तुमने हमेशा कहा की  मुझे देख कर तुम्हें सुकून मिलता है , पर तुम्हारे भटके हुए मन को मैंकभी शांत ना कर पायी . आज मेरे मन में बहुत गुबार है , पर कुछ चेहरे पर नहीं रहा . मेरा गुबार मेरे पछतावे से बातें कर रहा है . मेने कभी सोचा ना था की तुम्हारी ज़िन्दगी का जेहेर में बनूँगी. मुझे हमेशा तुम्हारी बातें सुनके अच्छा लगता था , चाहे ४ बार क्यों न सुनलूं फेर भी नया जैसा लगता था. वैसे तो मुझे हारना बिलकुल पसंद नहीं पर तुमसे हारना अच्छा लगता था.  मजा आता था , आज भी हर गयी , पता नहीं कब तक हारती रहूंगी. तुम्हारे अंदर कुछ तो है जो तुम्हे पहले सा बनादे , पर कुछ तो है जो तुम्हे रोक भी देता है . रोज़ कोशिश की मेने की शयद तुम पहले जैसे होजायो और में रोज़ हर गयी . कभी कभी तो ऐसा लगा तुमने कुछ और कहा और तुम्हारी आँखों ने कुछ और . अब न तुम्हारी बातें होंगी न...

I am always thinking about your smile. Recreating the corners of your mouth, the crinkles around your eyes. Your memory comes and plays on loop in my head and I leave my heart in places in middle of the things. Every chance encounter, every change you had, you walked by, you are the only thing I see and yet you are only thing in my life that I didn’t see coming. The stillness that night was just the sky holding its breath for us. That late night when I was walking by your sid e, you were walking right next to me, I thought that one day maybe I will write about this. I laughed within myself. Wild tansies grew in my chest and it was just a way for my heart to say that look here, I acknowledge how different I am feeling. So, may be 10 years from now we run into each other and I know we will, I will say that you know I only met you today, but I have been in love with you since yesterday. Words are the most dangerous weapons we have or the sweetest fondest cupcakes. Onl...

When would we have completely lost each other ? Sounds a typical question but yes it has answers ,not exact but yes it has answers One fine afternoon I woke up seeing a dream in which you were there,I wanted to tell you about it but then my conscious reminded me that no ,you can’t ,I wanted to tell you how silly you were and I was fighting for a toothpaste over you. I looked around and finally made myself understand that there was no one to tell so I gulped it. I got to know new things and I wanted to tell you but you were not in my world anymore. I cried. I sobbed. I said to myself. He was wrong and never apologized He doesn’t care if I am still alive Why am I crying over him. I wanted to you when you were here,that your chapter was by far the most exciting chapter of my life which had a very unexpected and tragic end. I don’t know how far has life taken you. But I am still stuck somewhere I find you to share my part . I don’t know how will I survive. Or I am already doing that. B...

I hate writing in long pieces, as I am an amateur so, to write well, I must feel it well, to write pain I feel pain in extreme, to write happiness I must feel profound happiness. And then it comes to me very naturally.  When I write, it’s not logical, it’s just my heart pouring out and just my soul surfing around. So, to start with…… I painted my skin, Before wearing it. I stitched my pains, I hitched my veins, I glued my smiles, I wrote all the words you said, Scripted and Unscripted rage, Chewed and bitten, I am my own adventure and I am the adventurer, I am a lost path and now I am a wanderer. A conversation which is left incomplete, there was a conversation which sort of never started and never ended. It just kept hanging in front of my eyes, making me feel how hollow I am. It subsided in my hollowness, broken expectations, raptured self-respect. The conversation makes me feel toxic, unvalued, worthless and useless. There are words I said- I wo...

I find words ,stuck on my lips,choked in my heart and find it hard to let them slip out of my tongue. At times you are about to say something,but you dont’.Even I do the same.People dont’ stay, actually.People go,but they never leave. Things you do for people dont matter ,do they ? In the end ,you must befriend your own shadow ,but that too leaves when it darkens. Bizzare,blurred,stuck,stop. The smoke of memories,is left.Somewhere everything is lost ,the letters, apologies everything is lost in between the blurred lines. Grief or guilt? What is that which has been filled inside? The candles ,I was trying to save from the winds, eventually ended up burning my home. How do you explain the things that you even dont understand? Some things can push you over the edges. I dont know exactly where I left myself may be I left myself with the old friends  I have no whereabouts of People wont’ recall the words, the friendly exchanges, the greetings and the goodbyes Som...

Lies rolled down your tongue, like beautiful songs , but what if I tell you , I already knew the truth, You promised to hold my hands, Your beautiful words tasted like honey, You laid flowers for me wherever I went, And for a while  I forgot my walk , the walk on the thorns, you were always trying to hide the landmines, I always knew the end , I always knew your pretty lies, I held on to you, I released the strings of balloons that I always held, just to hold your hands, I knew we were meant to be nothing in the end Mind your steps  watch as you go  I tried to seek you out , But I never knew where I was up to, I lost lifelines searching for a lifeline in the only place I knew in the only place I knew how to , only to find nothing but you  advancing  receding wondering in stillness  and wandering in darkness staying  or leaving staying with the unknown  or leaving the known what do we mour...

You and I, sit in silence. Wind is blowing, and its half a past ten. There is nothing in between us than the few unsaid words, feelings that are dangling and which will never touch the ground and neither the sky. Grief is the only thing I will be left with in the end. So, I choose to leave them dangling. I said to the memories. You leave too soon, I remember you used to jump and run fast and take 2 stairs at a time, I remember it even today that I never knew what you were you  upto.All  the conversations we have left amidst, still hang at the doorway. They never left the home as you did. I still forget paths, I still feel low, and I still hear your words in the empty corridors as I go, I sometimes don’t know where I am going. Greif is always backed up, may be with some kind of guilt, I want to move on ,leave the deadly mansion ,but still backspace my feelings because I know how it feels in the end. You made me realize how difficult it would always for me till the day I...

आज भी अंधेरों से कहा  की लाख कोशिशें  की थी हमने  हम कभी पहले लिख क्यों नहीं पाए कभी कलम ने साथ नहीं दिया और जब हमने लिखना सीखा तब तुम न रहे  बातें हमे अब सारी याद तो नहीं  यादें भी धुंदला सी गयी हैं पर इतना याद ज़रूर है की आज भी हम सब  जीतकर हार ही जाते हैं अब हम तुमने इतना जानते नहीं  पर शायद आज भी तुम  बातें आँखों से ही कहा करते हो  हर शाम आज भी हम ऑंखें बंद करके  चाँद को निहारककर ये कहते हैं  शायद आज सब यादें ये आसमान और सितारे  रात के अँधेरे मे समेटकर ले जाएंगे और हर सुबह उठकर हम  दुबारा शाम का इंतज़ार करते हैं और तुम्हारी याद में एक और दिन बीत जाता है  और एक पन्ना इसे तरह हम लिख देते है रात के अंधेरों मे अब दिल मे कोई हमदर्द नहीं है  न ही कोई बेदर्द है  हर कोने मे देख लिया है झांक कर उस और भी दर्द है और इस और भी दर्द है पहले हमारे पास शब्द ही नही थे आज लफ्ज़ भी है अल्फ़ाज़ भी  और देखो अब ...

Your train was derailed I was the unboard passenger  I had the every reason to leave But I chose to stay anyway You lit the fire in which I was burned in  And I was all the ashes that were left  You were a big highway accident  I was the wreckage you left behind You were the sunset  And I was the darkness that followed You were all the bridges I burned  You were all the pages I turned I was the smoke that rose above Our love was like the lines of our favorite song that we find hard to remember  I was a typewriter mistake , You could have written a fairytale but you chose to write a nightmare  A blotch of ink on a perfect white  You were all the poems I never finished  You were all the places I never went to , You were all the photographs I never got framed  You were all the thoughts I never thought , All the shooting stars ,I never wished upon And all the raindrops I never felt All t...